You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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