That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
