You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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