I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Houston, we have a blender
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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