you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
