I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
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This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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