you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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