I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
