we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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