I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
