it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
