I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
