I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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