Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
