either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
