i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Randomize
