So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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