pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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