I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
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Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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