yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
