Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize