Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
