Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
