I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
