My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize