idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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