my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
