she sounds like chewbacca in bed
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This baby is an asshole
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
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Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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