I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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