my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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