fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
