I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
