i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
