Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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