Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
