i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
did you just send me my own nude
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
