Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
