I am midnight drunk by noon
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
