My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
