So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
