then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
