Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
false alarm. still invincible.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
