I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
