I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
