She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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