I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize