I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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