Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
