Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize