just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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