I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
