go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
worst night to have a conscience
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
