Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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