haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
