I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
