It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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