i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
