I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
