Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
