I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
