my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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