I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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