Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize