I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
smell my finger.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
