Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
