Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
