did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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