im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
