i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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