I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
