i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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