Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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