I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
