she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
