I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
