I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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