she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
