He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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