apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
