A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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