if you like me you must not know who I am
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
