my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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