well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
