Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
