Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
