my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
