gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
