Your face is a jimmy john
My cat gives me a boner
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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