I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
