I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
