I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
